Roads - NOT THAT BAD AFTERALL

My daily ride to work and back has made me often wonder whether the civic authorities are unaware of the deplorable state of our roads. I ride from Malad to Bandra, either via the Western Express Highway or the linking Road, and the ride got really painful. This prompted me to thoroughly investigate the reasons behind such apathy and to start with, I decided to pay the Authorities “responsible” for roads a friendly visit.

My visit confirmed how naïve I, and all of you who complain about bad roads, actually are. How insensitive, unimaginative and ignorant our comments on the authorities actually are. This one, simple, “long overdue” visit actually bought forth various aspects that were considered while ensuring the current state of our roads.

I was politely asked to visit various departments in the said office building and confront the Officers-In-Charge with my concerns. Their replies, utmost sincere and heartfelt proved that strategies followed by our civic authorities were well thought-out, planned, evaluated and only after careful considerations were these strategies IMPLEMENTED.

So here are the reasons why our roads are SO CALLED “Bad”

1. Aim to improve Driving standards- The large potholes that one observes almost everywhere, have been strategically placed by our authorities to ensure that drivers of our Great City, State and Nation achieve the highest level of driving skills.

The Officer-In-Charge of “Talent Scouting and Development Department” explains “Imagine a pothole occupies 80% of width the road ahead of you. You now need to maneuver your vehicle in such a way that you pass the pothole without actually getting into it. At an international event, where 30 drivers were put through this challenge only 2 drivers managed to successfully complete the task. Both were from Mumbai. Need i say more?”

This, I agree, is an amazing achievement. If most of us are good drivers, we have our Roads to thank for it.

A survey also proves that 41% of the world’s Taxi Drivers are ‘Indian’. It is the skill and talent that they develop, on Indian roads, which actually ensure they succeed in their profession worldwide.    

2. Aim to entertain-The Officer-In-Charge of the “Enertainment Department” explains: “Uneven roads are uneven to ensure our citizens experience ‘Roller Coaster’ rides without actually visiting an amusement park. Which one of us has the time and money to take the entire family to Essel World?? It is our endeavour to ensure that all our citizens enjoy rollercoaster rides at really nominal prices. For eg. A rickshaw ride between Andheri and Jogeshwari on the Western Express Highway will cost you a mere 30 bucks (3 seats I may add) but the experience is as good if not better than a ride on the world’s most scary Roller Coaster Ride. Now which developed country can boast of this?”  

Wow, now that’s some revolutionary “out of the box” thinking.

3. Aim to provide our citizens with an opportunity to drive on the Moon- Now this is what proved that most of us are thoroughly ungrateful for the thoughtful actions of our civic authorities. “The Americans invested heavily to ensure that few, very few, Americans set foot on the Moon. Just because ours is a developing economy with a large proportion of the total population living on or below the poverty line, doesn’t mean that we don’t harbor dreams of walking on the moon some day. Our ‘Chand Zameen Par’ department aims to ensure that we replicate the surface of the moon, craters included,here on earth, on our roads. Our citizens can not only walk on these roads, but can ride and drive through them too. No charges. So the moon is now actually just a few meters away from your home. Most of our citizens have experienced what it feels like to be on the moon, while they are on their way to work daily.  Now can America boast of this?”  This explanation confirmed that I was indeed ignorant and didn’t have a really imaginative mind. Hats of to the Officer-In-Charge of the ‘Chand Zameen Par’ department for explaining such a complex idea in such simple terms.

If visiting these three departments hadn’t enlightened me enough my meeting with the Officer-In-Charge of the ‘Future Projects Department’ really did. Listed below are the projects listed for the near future.

• Ensure that an F-1 circuit with potholes is built in Mumbai. The annual F-1 Indian Grand Prix would be held here and there would be Indians on the top three podium spots.
• Ensure that deep potholes are developed and maintained on “the Bandra Worli Sea link” to ensure that drivers and passengers can see the ocean through the road while driving through the iconic structure. What an experience.
• Ensure that potholes at strategic locations are filled with water. This will give a more realistic Amusement Park Experience where water is splashed on all those around, everytime a car glides through such potholes.

My day was complete and I learnt what a good and considerate job our authorities are doing for us.

 I urge all my fellow citizens not to curse, but be grateful to these proactive intelligent and hardworking officials who have only our well being at heart.